Mbszh.

Final chapter.

2010-06-22T21:02:00.002+08:00

Heyo.

I've shifted to http://pocisk.blogspot.com/

Yeap. You got it right.
That is my new blog.

Do come and pay a visit.
See you there.

Day 35.

2010-04-14T18:21:00.002+08:00

To give up means you are weak.
To stand ready means your are prepared.
And for me to say I am sorry makes me wise.

Day 34.

2010-04-13T18:53:00.001+08:00

Day 33.

2010-04-12T16:48:00.002+08:00

Monday, April 12, 2010 is another history of my life.
Two words to describe my day : fucked up.
Fuck everything. Fuck my life.

Day 32.

2010-04-11T19:57:00.005+08:00

我从来没想过，我会这样做。
从来没爱过，所以爱错。
我从那里起飞，从那里降落。
我一定会降落。
我一定会，一定要放弃！

Day 31.

2010-04-10T22:20:00.002+08:00

Say it's true. I'll never ask for anyone but you.
But I know all that you want is to figure it out. And God knows I do, too.
Who was I fooling here?
Sigh.

Day 30.

2010-04-09T21:04:00.002+08:00

Awesome people = awesome day.
Had this teenager's all-time-favorite discussion : sex.
Per Li was the master of all. I actually did learned a lot from my master.
Hitting Redbox, the Gardens was the boom of the day.
Screamed, yelled, had tons of fun with Hui Shin, Ying Nan, Carynn, Nikki, Pei Jin and Kassendra.
Awesome session came out as a conclusion.

Ohhh...

Day 29.

2010-04-08T21:58:00.002+08:00

And not seeing that loving you, is what I was trying to do. Cause the matter of fact is that you don't always like the people you love. The deeper you get, it only gets worse.

Day 28.

2010-04-07T19:03:00.006+08:00

I have a desire to sleep and never wake up to reality. Dream of an endless sweet dream. Where it is you and me.

If you ever did wondered, you deserve much better.

Day 27.

2010-04-06T16:40:00.003+08:00

I feel like deleting this blog.
I realized that too many personal stuffs are being written here. And people do actually read them. It's freaky. And I thought I was the only one reading them.

"This term smells of failure" - Melanie Lim.
Sigh.

Day 26.

2010-04-02T16:36:00.005+08:00

Can't deny; can't pretend.

I'll take the good with the bad only because I have nothing to be afraid of. I have nothing to feel like I'm loosing it all. You asked what "forever" is. "Forever" is just a word that never lasts.

Je veux juste crier tous mes poumons et dire au monde comment tu me manques. Parce qu'au fond, je savais déjà que je n'étais pas l'un pour elle. Malgré cela, j'ai souri, et espère de tout mon cœur que j'ai eu tort.

Day 25.

2010-04-01T16:39:00.002+08:00

"Life is like a movie, write your own ending. Keep believing, keep pretending." - Jim Henson.

Day 24.

2010-03-31T18:17:00.002+08:00

Additional mathematics was the boom for the day.
No other stories.
My mom is gonna chop my head off for failing.
Oh your God.

Day 23.

2010-03-30T13:48:00.004+08:00

Well, I don't know how to say this right and those words got me chocking.
Well, there's a time for giving up. Didn't wanna have to say it.
I know I'm gonna keep wishing I was with you. But I just gotta stop.

Barriers - David Archuleta.

Day 22.

2010-03-29T22:21:00.006+08:00

I had a heart relief today.
And I intend to live for ever. So far, so good.

Day 21.

2010-03-28T20:08:00.009+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!

Thank you so much for everything.

Had this little surprise birthday celebration for my mom at aunt Alice's place.

Ps : Mom, I love you.

Day 20.

2010-03-27T18:47:00.002+08:00

我问佛:为何不给所有女子羞花闭月的容颜? 佛曰:那只是昙花的一现,用来蒙蔽世俗的眼,
没有什么美可以抵过一颗纯净仁爱的心.
我把它赐给每一个女子,
可有人让它蒙上了灰.
我问佛:世间为何有那么多遗憾?
佛曰:这是一个婆娑世界,婆娑既遗憾,
没有遗憾,
给你再多幸福也不会体会快乐。

我问佛:如何让人们的心不再感到孤单？
佛曰:每一颗心生来就是孤单而残缺的,
多数带着这种残缺度过一生.
只因与能使它圆满的另一半相遇时,
不是疏忽错过就是已失去了拥有它的资格,
我问佛:如果遇到了可以爱的人,
却又怕不能把握该怎么办?
佛曰:留人间多少爱,迎浮世千重变,
和有情人,做快乐事,
别问是劫是缘.
我问佛:如何才能如你般睿智?
佛曰:佛是过来人,人是未来佛,
我也曾如你般天真.

Day 19.

2010-03-26T21:35:00.001+08:00

Hello, spark. Where's my share of you?

Day 18.

2010-03-25T15:23:00.002+08:00

By daily dying I have come to be.

你一定也有过这种感觉的。
　　当你心事重重，渴望找个人谈一谈的时候，那个人来是来了，但你们却并没有谈什么。当然，谈是谈了，可是他谈他的，你——开始你也试着谈谈你的，可是后来，你放弃了。
　　于是，你们的谈话成了两条七扭八歪的曲线，就那么凄凉地、乏力地延伸下去。
　　你敷衍着，笑着，假装做很投机的样子。但是，你心里渴望他离去，让你静下来，静下来啃啮那属于你自己的寂寞。
　　“倒不如自己闷着的好！”这是你的结论。
　　“希望别人来分担你的心事是多么愚蠢！别人不会了解你的，人人都只关心他们自己。”
　　于是，你领悟到，有些事情是不能告诉别人的，有些事情是不必告诉另人的，有些事情是根本没有办法告诉别人的，而且有些事情是：即使告诉了别人，你也马上会后悔的。
　　所以，假使你够聪明，那么，最后的办法就是静下来，啃啮自己的寂寞——或者反过来说，让寂寞来吞噬你。
　　于是，你慢慢可以感觉到，午后的日影怎样拖着黯淡的步子西斜，屋角的浮尘怎样在溟茫里毫无目的游动，檐前的蜘蛛怎样结那囚禁自己的网，暮色又怎样默默地爬上你的书桌，而那寂寞的感觉又是怎样越来越沉重地在你心上压下，压下……直到你呼吸困难，心跳迟滞，像一辆超重的车，在上坡时气力不继地渐渐地慢，渐渐地停下……
　　于是，你觉得自己涨得无限的大，大得填满了整个宇宙空间，而这无限大的你的里面，所涨满的，只是寂寞，寂寞，无边的寂寞！
　　没有一声呼叫，没有一满眼泪，没有一丝情感，没有一线希望，没有一点欲求；没有动，没有静，只有一种向下沉落的感觉，沉落……沉落……向着那无底的黝暗之中沉落。
　　于是，夜色密密地涂满了宇宙，在上下前后左右都是墨一般的黝暗里，你不再知道自己是否仍在继续地沉落，你所知道的只是
　　那沉重的、无边的、墨染的、死一般的寂寞！

Day 17.

2010-03-24T17:59:00.002+08:00

对象，是有过几个不错的。其实，说起来并不孤独寂寞。一个人假日发呆找不到人陪我看海。晚上，整个画面都是妳，想妳想到睡不著。我就是开不了口让她知道，她对我有多重要。也许，就是那么简单几句我辦不到。多想藏着你的好，只有我看得到。站在屋顶只对风说：“不想被左右”。怎么那一天的我们，都默默的微笑很久。但我聆听沉寂已久的心情，清晰透明，就像美丽的风景，总在回忆里才看得清。洶湧潮水，你听明白，不是浪而是淚海。或许，海鸟跟魚相愛，本来就是一場意外。一起长大的约定，那样真心，与你聊不完的曾经。可是，你的发香散的匆忙我已经跟不上。我会发着呆然后忘记你，接着紧紧闭上眼，想着那一天会有人代替，让我不再想念你。我想我是太过依赖，在挂电话的刚才，坚持学单纯的小孩，静静看守这份爱。我知道不能太依赖，怕你会把我宠坏，你的香味一直徘徊，我真的很舍不得离开。而我已经分不清你是友情还是错过的爱情。

Day 16.

2010-03-23T15:54:00.004+08:00

人，会感动，才会幸福。

Avelyn and Pei Jin, this is what I wrote for my Chinese essay.
Grab some tissues first, before you proceed.
Hahahaaa.

他躺在病床上一动不动，只是眼巴巴地望着头顶白色的天花板。浑身的疼痛，已经使他再也没有力气做任何动作了。

2002年，他被确诊患了脊索瘤。2006年，他的病情开始严重恶化。2007年6月的一天，他在家里忽然昏倒在地。这次，经专家再度检查后确诊，发现他患的脊索瘤距离脑干只有2毫米，这么严重的病情已经无法再手术。

为了给他治病，家里已经欠下很多债务，这成了他心头一块沉甸甸的大石头。当得知自己的病无法医治时，他的脸上竟然浮起了些微笑。他想，这样的结果，也许是一种解脱吧。那么在最后的日子里，应该再为这个世界做些什么？

对，把我的眼角膜捐献出去！在表哥的帮助下，他与深圳眼库取得了联系。

当地的记者闻讯而来，“我不行了，只想尽最后的力量，帮助别人吧。”瘦弱不堪的他回答了记者的提问。

“除此之外，你还有别的愿望吗？”

“有！”他肯定地说，“妈妈把我辛辛苦苦地养大，现在又为我的病东奔西走，受尽煎熬。我却一直没有机会回报她。我只有一个愿望，那就是希望接受捐献者，能记住我妈妈的生日，并在那一天，为她祝福......”

他叫张海涛，35岁，河南省平顶山市卞城村人。他用人生最后的心愿，感动了世界。

-The end.

So, now, go and count how many pieces of tissue have you guys used. HAHAAA!

Oh, by the way, Avelyn handed me a hand-made birthday card made by Warriorz.
Awww. How touching can that be?
So, I'll take the opportunity here to thank ALL of you guys.

I would like to express my utmost gratitude to those Supermen and Superwomen:

Avelyn
Huen Teng
Pei Jin
Ai Di
Xin Wei
Pei Yie
Wai Yii
Kassendra
Nikki
Chow Hong
Ying Nan
Kai Chun
Carynn
Hui Shin
Chee Chao
Per Li
Cho Yeing
Joe Yee
Simon
Sial Ling

I THANK YOU, WARRIORZ!

Day 15.

2010-03-22T19:01:00.002+08:00

Exam fever.

I totally love the Chinese essay I wrote for my Chinese examination today.
I bet my teacher is going to tear when she reads it.
I love life. I appreciate life.

Day 14.

2010-03-21T20:36:00.005+08:00

Tutt-tut.

A very happy birthday to Nikki Wong Tyan Mun as known as bloody no head.
Hope you had fun today. Best wishes to you throughout this year!
Everything I wanted to say has been said in that phone call and text message. So, I won't be saying it all out here.
Have a blast!

Day 13.

2010-03-20T21:29:00.003+08:00

Wow.
My grandma flew in Malaysia and the first thing she did was to ring me up to wish me a happy belated birthday. And what's more. She told me her love for me is eternal. She told me she loves me for ever, in exact words.
Man. It made my day. I love you, too, grandma!

Day 12.

2010-03-19T16:34:00.003+08:00

See. I lost myself too many times before.
I died before, and I will die again at a given time in the future.
Keep it to yourself.

Day 11.

2010-03-18T12:40:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I just wish everything could have turn out differently. I have this special feeling about you. It's totally an amazement that by just looking at your face, the edge of my lips would curve up. I didn't even know it could hurt someone so badly, that you just can't stop.

This is the last straw, don't wanna hurt, anymore.

Day 10.

2010-03-16T15:46:00.003+08:00

幸福。

幸福，什么是幸福？
我不能回答,可是，我听过一个真正的聪明人说过这样一句话：一个人心中真正的幸福，通常都是他还没有得到的或者他久已失去的。

Day 9.

2010-03-15T15:44:00.004+08:00

What's cooking?

Hi！大家好，我是一个无名的男孩，虽然我好强壮跟好勤劳，但是在茫茫众生中，我不是歌星，也不是影星，更加不是幸运星，所以，我不象F几跟周什么伦一样，满街都有自己的海报跟广告。我怎么想都不明白，别人连张照片都可以赚钱。但是，我的照片就算贴上钱也没人要，拿回家辟邪都好哦，也许，真的是长的帅就什么都可以。

我做人没什么要求。很小的时候就跟我的朋友讲，我大了有一个好老婆跟有一顿好饭吃，就够了。但是，当时就有一位老伯打击我，他说，要做到这样，都很难很难。我当然不信咯。不过，今年我都快17岁咯，情人节一个月后生日，是个好日子，前一个月送礼物给人，一个月后就可以收回。但这16年来，我从没有送出过礼物，因为，还没有女孩子喜欢过我，或者有，我不知道喔。我这人很简单的，自问都挺努力去做自己的事情，自我觉得是一个好男孩。都有尝试过去追女孩子，但，没有一个成功，也没办法，谁叫我不是F几跟周什么伦呢。

今年又过了一个没有情人的情人节，我真的是不想。但，没办法。上帝一定要捉弄我，算了吧，别人说，上帝跟公平，他拿走你一样东西一定会给回另一样给你。问问自己上帝给了什么我呢？恩。时间！绝对是时间！所以。我可以做好多自己想做的事情，比如站在这里说这么多话，如果你问我开不开心，我回答你我不开心，原因很简单，我没有女朋友。我宁愿上帝拿走我一部分时间，去换一个女朋友给我。有的人也不只一个而是两个女朋友，还要大大声的跟人说：“这个女朋友我喜欢，但那个女孩子我也要，哈哈哈哈！”我不喜欢这种人。如果是我，我宁愿安安静静的等我喜欢的人出现。我更加不喜欢那些已经有了女朋友，但看到比自己女朋友漂亮的女孩就甩了自己的女朋友去追别的女孩的男孩。起码他真的是一点都不懂什么叫爱情，可能是我OUT啦，不知道左拥右抱有多好，但是我觉得做人要有自己的原则，起码，我尊重了别人和自己，起码，我问心无愧。

明天不一定会更好，但更好的明天一定会来!

Day 8.

2010-03-14T21:36:00.003+08:00

Woohoo! I've passed my undang test. Hell yes!
I'm kinda proud of myself cause I did not studied for it. Not at all.
My week was so pack with cheer practices and tuition classes.
I passed it 50/ 50.
Yay me!

Day 7.

2010-03-13T23:48:00.004+08:00

Diana E.

In this life, there are two things I am certain of.
The first thing - nothing will ever be what it seems.
The second thing - dreaming of someone is much more different then actually having them. Cause in your dreams, they may actually love you back.

Day 6.

2010-03-12T20:02:00.002+08:00

Super hoes!

Okay. Surprisingly, I went to school today. That's mainly because I broke the highest record of being absent for 43 days, last year. And my form teacher kinda blackmailed me to go to school. So, yeah. I didn't have a choice to make. School's pretty empty. Lucky, Simon Teng and Ying Nan came.
Watched Alice In Wonderland with Gary, Ying Nan and Pei Jin.
Pretty awesome movie. Something worth watching.
And I kind of miss cheer leading practice right now.
I miss those Supermen and Superwomen.

Day 5.

2010-03-11T20:33:00.004+08:00

I love this picture.

Sport's day was fun!
Dozing off at tuition classes was all I did today.

I enjoyed myself today. I've learnt that our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail.
Camwhored like shit. Especially those bitchy girls. Eat up all my memory.
In conclusion, I had an awesome day.

Day 4.

2010-03-10T19:08:00.001+08:00

My right hand hurts.
Sport's day is tomorrow.
History will be made.
I'm so so so tired.

GO WARRIORZ!

Day 3.

2010-03-09T20:18:00.003+08:00

Boo!

I had a great day at school.
I lost a few breaths.
Feeling super awesome!

:DDD.

Day 2.

2010-03-08T18:20:00.006+08:00

In conjunction with Chinese New Year and Valentine's day.

I'm very happy today.
I've lost my cell phone and I've learnt to see the true side of humanity. Of how greedy people could be.
I'm satisfied to have this life lesson, learnt. It's all part of growing up, meeting the real world.
And it will always leave a scar which reminds me that I'm living in a very, very realistic world.

Day 1.

2010-03-07T18:55:00.002+08:00

Let's all get nerdy!

Okay. I'm going on a 365-days photography self-project.
A picture a day, keeps my sanity, sane.
I don't know why but I just thought of doing so.
It'd be kind of cool when you look back at the whole journey. It actually helps me in my growth.

Pierce.

2010-03-06T22:05:00.003+08:00

Zoom in.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know you felt that way.
My lips could only say your name. You were filling every phrase, so fast but then we fell and died away.

- Hello Love Goodbye by To Be Juliet's Secret.

Hello Love Goodbye.

2010-03-06T11:01:00.003+08:00

If it's all the same then it's just you that's okay.

"It doesn't mess me up anymore. Heck cares about being attached or not" - Megan Koh.

Neutral.

2010-03-05T23:25:00.002+08:00

Sit down. Shut up.

Hello unknown viewers.
Be it good or not, thanks for visiting my blog.

101.

2010-03-03T18:25:00.003+08:00

Dear mom,

I swear to God I'll make a hundred scars if these go on. I feel pain and hurt by not harming you down and by that, I'm the one to blame.

Your son.

Untilted.

2010-03-02T19:55:00.001+08:00

"The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain" - Lord Byron.

Dear Marcus,

2010-02-24T15:42:00.004+08:00

"Do know that not everything must be told, and not everything becomes better if you tell it out. Learn to keep things to yourself. So, no matter what happens, control and learn to keep it to yourself. Do NOT tell. Remember, learn!" - Tan Yee Sim.

I thank you, Tan Yee Sim.

You Me at Six.

2010-02-23T20:53:00.003+08:00

Always attract.

If it hurts this much,
then it must be love.
And it's a lottery,
I can't wait to draw your name.
Oh I'm trying to get to you,
but time isn't on my side.
If the truth's the worst I could do,
then I guess that I have lied.

Keeping me awake,
it's been like this now for days.
My heart is out at sea,
my head all over the place.
I'm losing sense of time,
and everything tastes the same.
I'll be home in a day,
I fear that's a month too late.

That night I slept,
on your side of the bed so,
it was ready when you got home.
We're like noughts and crosses in that
opposites always attract.

You've taken me to the top,
and let me fall back south.
You've had me at the top of the pile,
and then had me kissing the ground.
We've heard and seen it all,
no ones talked us out.
The problems that have come,
haven't yet torn us down.

Am I keeping you awake, if I am then just say.
You can make your own decisions; you can make your own mistakes,
I'll live and let die all the promises you made.
But if you lie another time, it'll be a lie that's too late.

You always have your way,
for now it's to soon for you to say,
will we be always always?

You had your way.

Lie.

2010-02-22T18:41:00.003+08:00

A person who lies, must swallow a thousand of needles.

Whatever.
I don't want to explain anymore further.
I know my limits, abilities and capabilities.

A fool is someone who thinks that life is fair.

Miscellaneous.

2010-02-20T21:47:00.014+08:00

Best for the best.

The only thing about love that lasts forever is its memory. But what if love isn't enough, what is? I may sound stupid, but I do believe in happy endings. Just pretend that you don't know any of these things. So that the pain you've caused me, makes sense. I'll never give up on what's worth fighting for, never did, never will. It hurts to love someone and not to be loved in return; but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go. And it is true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back. Do not expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their heart. But if it doesn't; be sure it grew in yours. I think I'll just stick myself to this old love quote - if you want something badly, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it is going to be yours for ever. If it doesn't, then it is never going to be yours. There's a reason and there's a meaning. You will know in time. The pain of having a broken heart is not so much as to kill you, yet not so little as to let you live. If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you. If I hadn't liked you, I wouldn't love you. If I wouldn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do and I will. Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you'll fall for ever. Oh great, this same feeling is gonna take me another year to move on.

Somber.

2010-02-19T12:46:00.004+08:00

- My tears' glands are on strike, so don't expect tears.
- Maybe I'm just setting myself up to get hurt because I know I'm getting left soon. And if I was smart, I'd get out now. But, I guess I'm not smart after all.
- It feels so good to do things when you're drunk. My drunken mind may speak a sober heart, but only my sober mind has no heart to speak from.

很高兴，我没有。

2010-02-18T02:41:00.000+08:00

规则是用来让人容易决定一些事情的对错和费用的，可是我常常想,这个规则真的好吗？

有时候，真的太让人伤脑筋了！我们常说，每个人都有不同的个性，所以不应该去限制人
心中想的，应该是什么，或不应该是什么。

这个年代，这个实际，自由让人激发出更多的空间，而不论是想象的或实际上去做的方法，
反正把每一件事好好地完成，做出一个好好的成绩，不就是我们每个人想要追求的吗？

我非常感谢我的家人，让我从小就可以学音乐。从认识黑键和白键开始，我弹过各种不同的
练习曲。肖邦，贝多芬，巴赫。。。我与先生们都做了很长一段时间的朋友。当然，到现在
我们都还在继续交往中，可是我并没有按照一些学习音乐的人设下的规则去做。比如说参加
比赛，是为了钻研古典音乐的深度，或为了当一名成功的古典音乐家，让自己在年轻的时候
定下一个伟大的目标，然后生存下去。其实，我要说的是：很高兴，我没有！

我最喜欢打篮球，那是一项有机会让人成功的运动。我却也没想当过一名成功的篮球明星，
让自己去拼命的运动，然后好好地锻炼，努力练习，努力地去专门训练自己。我要说：很高兴，我没有！

到目前为止，我还是继续与音乐做朋友，我也还在跟篮球做朋友，而且我觉得我们都还是不
的朋友。最重要的是我们非常自由，非常轻松，非常开心地交朋友！因为我们都很自由，在我们的空间里面，反而出现更多的可能，这些可能到目前为止都还在延续。

我因为打篮球，认识了许多朋友，也让自己的身体很健康。我还学到了许多技巧，在每一次打
篮球的过程中，都有一些新的快乐涌现。因为学习了音乐，现在的我，虽然不是一个世界级的音乐家，可我创作了一些让自己快乐，可能也带给别人快乐的音乐，用我自己最喜欢的方法，使我与音乐之间产生更多，更大，更加亲密的关系。

一个人能做出一万种姿势，每个人的人生都有无限种可能，姿势的改变其实是你潜能最大限度
的开发。我就是这样过自己的生活。人都有权利，我们都可以在规则中学习一些基本的生活方式或是基本的生命准则，我们都能在生命的规则中找到一些让自己好好过的方法，最重要的是我们都必须知道自己是谁，自己有多大的能量，自己有什么样的需要，然后去创造出最适合自己，能够让自己快乐的方法。

所以，到目前为止，我最幸运的是，没有人强迫我去选择固定规则中的一些固定答案，我走的路
没有答错的压力。因此，我快乐！因此，我自由！因此，我必须对世界上已有的规则和很成功的姿势说：很高兴，我没有完全遵守！

Valentine.

2010-02-16T00:20:00.005+08:00

I never actually thought that I might fall over again this year. But life never asked me what I wanted. Maybe it's about fate, maybe it's about time, maybe it's about me.
I've never denied when someone tells me I suck. Even though it's a joke. Because deep down inside, I know that I do. You see, I suck at love.
At times, in the aspect of relationships, you'll ask your crush "Do you think you'll ever love me?" Unlike Jesus, we are all selfish. And as a sane human being, counting has to be done before you embark on an action. The counting of whether is that particular thing worth your time and effort and whatsoever that it requires. And if it's worth it, I will not be fighting to be that guy that gets your heart as a reward. No, really. I'm fighting cause you are worth it.
Being single for the past 17 Valentine's Days has been really depressing. I can't even shed any tears, anymore. Sometimes, I'm getting the assumption that I don't have the right to complain about pain.
Talking about wishes. I don't believe in em' anymore. Because if they did come true, you'd be right here with me.
I don't know how my love for you grew, but somehow it did. It makes me wonder if I can love you more than this. Within you, I lose myself. Without you, I find myself wanting to be lost again. I miss you. And trust me, if it was up to me, I wouldn't have, too.
Along the way, I feel so tired. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I can't handle these feelings.
Are these words okay to say? If "I love you" isn't good enough or isn't okay, just let me know. But love is all I have to offer. I'm sick of falling. So, would you catch me?

I'm sorry for saying all these things here. But I can't apologize for loving you. That would be like apologizing for breathing.

What time doesn't heal?

2010-02-06T18:03:00.003+08:00

Eyeliner and cigarettes.

I know I have not been blogging for quite some time.
Give me time.
Thank you.

暗恋。

2010-01-22T22:19:00.016+08:00

因为陌生，所以勇敢。

我常觉得这个世界上最真挚、最洁净、最让人心酸的情感就是暗恋。默默地关注一个人，静静地期盼一份可能永远也不会降临的感情，不想让对方知道，也不想对世人公布，在深邃的月光下，看得见对方若隐若现的身影，却摸不到对方飘动的衣袂，闻得着对方身上淡淡的烟草味，却不去依偎对方温暖的胸怀，这是怎样的一种情感沧桑？这正如一句话说的那样：世界上最远的距离就是我站在你面前，你却不知道我爱你。

　　暗恋的一方不说，也许是不想说，也许是不能说。

　　因为有一种东西，一旦被说出口就不再美丽了，也许暗恋者有强烈的自尊和自卑，怕遭受伤害，怕一旦爱恋不成，连朋友都做不成了。

　　暗恋者生活在虚拟的月光下，陶醉在想象的云彩里，痛苦着自己的痛苦，孤独着自己的孤独，他们几个月、几年、甚至十几年地爱着一个人，独自品尝着无人回应的空洞。他们或被一个人的才情迷惑，或被一个人靓丽的外表吸引。女人可能看到男人随手写下的一行并不潇洒的字句或一篇并不精彩的文章，就细细琢磨对方的性格，坚信对方才华横溢，完美无缺，在审美上全方位地向对方的品位靠拢；男人可能看到女人白皙的皮肤、纤细的双手、微启的双唇，就会浮想联翩。暗恋者创造着一切与理想情人接近的机会，见到对方时，兴奋异常，见不到对方时，情绪沮丧，对方的一举一动、一颦一笑都动着他们的心。

　　很难解释两性之间这样的感觉来自何方。医学专家认为，这是多巴胺、去甲肾上腺素和血液中的复合胺共同作用的结果。但我更愿意相信它来自于现代人无法解释的心灵磁场或灵魂暗道。这种磁场一旦产生，是不会自行消亡的。不要劝暗恋者放弃，只有他们自己撞得头破血流，才会慢慢反思和回头。这正像一位暗恋者在日记中写的那样：“作为暗恋者，我很清楚，不管先前怎样地爱一个人，爱的人是谁，我最终都会后悔，可是与此同时，我也清楚地知道，不管将来的结果如何，我现在都不能克制对他的思恋。”这种单向度的执着，注定了暗恋者要走过漫长的黑色之旅，并在黄昏暮色中独自品味那忧伤的幸福。

　　暗恋虽是一个人闭着眼睛盖房子，但不是一种畸形的情感，那是年轻的象征，是生命力和内心冲动的显现，是一种生命的紫色。人的衰老是从拒绝恋爱开始的。从这个意思上说，我愿意远处有一盏昏黄的孤灯，在晚风中忽明忽暗地摇曳着，让我在朗朗的月光下，在幽暗的树林里轻吟一个人的名字，让我这个经历过沟沟坎坎、心态渐老的女人误以为人生的黄昏落日离自己还很遥远。

Oh, by the way, Happy belated one-year-older, Kristal Tey!

PS : I'm not late. I called you to wish you, remember? I just forgot to blog about it.

:D.

Sacapuntas.

2010-01-20T22:20:00.003+08:00

A hundred years old coin.

I need to sleep.
It's been frustrating me.

Goodnight.

Not keen, it is necessity.

2010-01-19T17:18:00.002+08:00

Perambulate.

Perhaps, all these while, it just wasn't there.
What I thought it was, wasn't.
Nothing was ever right.
Questions without answers.
I'm kind of used to this.
No. I am not sad, at all. It's just frustrating.
Lights are too bright. I'm out of focus.
Little broken, not completely.
Lovey-dovey. A lost flame.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Hello, you!

2010-01-14T21:41:00.002+08:00

Hello you, officers of SMK Sri Sentosa!

Checking my blog? HAHAA.
There is always something better to do in life, just so you know.

I'm clean.
:).

Oh. You know what? I hate home works. They make my life so miserable.
As in so so so depressing.

Sigh.

I gotta find a way out.

2010-01-12T19:13:00.002+08:00

I don't wanna ever love another.

You'll always be my thunder.
So bring on the rain.
Oh baby bring on the pain.
And listen to the thunder.

Thunder- Boys Like Girls.

I love school.

2010-01-10T15:13:00.002+08:00

Part of history.

Hola mola!
The first week of school has been really tiring and stressful for me.
I'm so not used to the fact that I have to wake up at 5:30 am, daily.
I'm living 25 km away from school.
And I'm still having a big headache on my transportation going back home.
I've found out that one of Rapid KL's bus, U41 does pass by my house.
But my mom doesn't really agree much on me, taking public transportation home.
She says public transportation is a waste of time as the driver has to drop people off at different stations and by then, I would be wasting a lot of time on the bus, doing nothing.
She is worried that most of my time would be spent on the bus instead of the books, since I'm sitting for SPM this year.
And she might be changing my school, which I really do not want to.

Oh. I might be driving to school once I get my license.
Things would be so much easier for me, like seriously.
But then again, she says if I were to have a car on my own, I would go out all night and come back late and I won't be at home most of the time.
Hah.

So, until then.

A whole new world.

2009-12-31T19:07:00.003+08:00

Respect.

Sigh. In a blink of an eye, I'm already living my new year's eve.
The bad news is times flies; but the good news is you are the pilot.

Good times and bad times, it all happen around us. The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.

I'll continue this post later but just in case I couldn't make it, I'd like you wish you guys a happy new year!

Love your life. Forget about the bad past.

Happy New Year!

Tradition.

2009-12-28T19:03:00.002+08:00

Spooky.

Did an awesome photography session with my cousin today.
I'm very happy with it. Will be posing it up, soon.

Stay tuned.

O Night Divine.

2009-12-25T23:44:00.002+08:00

This blogger is wishing everyone a Jolly Christmas.
Oh. Other than Christmas, today is my grandma's birthday, too. What a coincidence.
Went to church for function then off for some last minute shopping and headed to grandma's place for her birthday and Christmas celebration.

I had a great day overall.

Merry Christmas, people!

Holidays.

2009-12-22T18:24:00.004+08:00

It is like finally, after a few decades, the internet seems to be working.
So, hi people! I'm back to the internet world.
Not having internet connection at home, sucks, totally, like seriously.
Well, I miss my previous house, my home mates and my night life.

It's clearly stated that I'm like a dead person living life. The only working part is my body.
I'm bored, lifeless and tired. And that is something I'm very not used to it.

I've got a minor scar beside my right eye. And because of that, I've learnt my lesson not to drink and drive, anymore.
It is really painful, but fun at the same time. But what result the next day are extreme pain and dry blood clots.
I'm praying for the scar to leave. I personally dislike leaving scars on my body.

Oh. I've got a 12.2 mega pixels digital camera for the first time in my entire life.
And not forgetting that I now live in a super beautiful house.

I'm thankful, really, for everything that I have.

Boredom.

2009-12-06T22:01:00.001+08:00

Out of boredom, I can sleep for 14 hours, daily.
Yes, I'm serious.

Sigh.

Hola, world.

2009-12-04T22:32:00.002+08:00

30 days of Christmas and all I know is
I'm not quite ready to let go of this past year
I have so much to show

One more month
and all I need is a sign from you that you think of me
If you don't, then please just say so
Cause all I do, is think of you

And it's wearing me out
It's wearing me down
This holiday is nothing but frowns for me
But I've got a gift
You see
I'm making a list
Hell I'll check it twice
Of all the things you've done in my life
Then I'll send it your way
So you see why I love you

Who would have thought that someone like me
Could of fall in love so easily.
I know that you know that I know what I want
I know I can't have it but give it a thought.
I know that it sounds crazy baby
but all I do is think of you.

I know it's hard to say
But it's a crying shame that I came all this way
With so much to say
But all that came out was “Happy Holiday”
A home cooked meal and a nice warm bed
Somebody to love
A place to lay my head
But I got 30 days and I'm gonna make ‘em count
Cause I can't call it Christmas without someone to smile about

30 days - Nevershoutnever.

:/.

2009-11-22T22:12:00.002+08:00

Hello.

Sorry for not updating.

I've just shifted house to Cheras Mahkota.
It's so lonely here.
If anyone of you would like to pay me a visit or stay over, I'd be gald to welcome you with my both hands. Just ring me up.

And there's no internet connection here. I have to come over to my cousin's house to use his wifi.
That kinda sucks.

Life's so boring.
:/.

Ps: Ring me up for some chit-chat. You would put smile on my face.

Colour a life.

2009-11-17T23:43:00.004+08:00

Escape.

So many sluts these days. I'll make myself a slut, too.
Hi! Wanna fuck?

Crunked.

2009-11-16T23:35:00.001+08:00

Drink, drank, drunk.

I'm still hanging over. Crap.

Oh, Penang was fun.

Relapse.

2009-11-13T21:58:00.002+08:00

Blues.

Today's not worth living, at all.
Shit. I've never regretted so much for going out with my parents before.
Oh crap.

Ahhhhh, fuck!

The mistery of the unknown.

2009-11-12T03:22:00.011+08:00

On, off.

Hello. Good 3:26 am people on Earth!

Are you wondering what am I doing all night staying up so late?
I was lifeless enough to crack Vi Chien's post.

Crack it, too, if you are lifeless enough.
:)

Here's her post :

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lugouygvljkblhjvolhbjhvckuvljkvuyvcouvbljvkuyvljbvlvouib;ivboI STILL CARE ABOUT YOU.
lugouygvljkblhjvolhbjhvckuvljkvuyvcouvbljvkuyvljbvlvouib;ivboBECAUSElugouygvljkblhjvolhbjhvckuvljkvuy
vcouvbljvkuyvljbvlvouib;ivbo I lugouygvljkblhjvolhbjhvckuvljkvuyvcouvbljvkuyvljbvlvouib;ivboLOVE
lugouygvljkblhjvolhbjhvckuvljkvuyvcouvbljvkuyvljbvlvouib;ivboYOU.

I shall post the answer here.

"I love you. I know I was just another girl whom you thought you liked and you used to heal your wound and you must think I'm so pathetic right now cause true love never exist between us. I know you just want me to get out of your life right now but I'm sorry. I've never been so insignificant to anyone before and I don't know I'm so in love with you. I can't get you out of my head. I just want you to know even if you hate me so much right now, for being so stupid and even if you had forgotten my existence, I still care about you because I love you".

Awwww, wei, Vi Chien!
HAHAAAAAA!

:DDDDDD.

I rock!

Drops.

2009-11-11T21:43:00.003+08:00

11.11.2009.

Dear brain, sorry for overloading you with thoughts of him.
Dear tummy, sorry for all the butterflies.
Dear pillow, sorry for all the tears.
Dear heart, sorry for all the damage.
Dear me, sorry for being head-over-heels in love with her.

Ps : No. I'm not in love. It's simply just a quote.

Rain man.

2009-11-09T23:53:00.004+08:00

Arghh.

I want more time!
MORE MORE MORE!

That's all about this post.

Where is the love?

2009-11-07T16:40:00.009+08:00

Siew Fai's new shuffle.

Facebook is making my life so much harder.
I think I'll just give up on Facebook.
Misunderstandings after misunderstandings.
It's like why in the world would I want to delete my friends from my friend list?
And people got you all wrong and misunderstood.

Arghh. Fuck, fuck fuck!

8 mile on Novara.

2009-11-04T15:31:00.003+08:00

Hi, Earthlings!

Some random updates about me, myself and I.

1. I'm bored.
2. I skipped school today.

3. I'm singing "don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head".
4. Shit school for delaying my examinations!
5. My soul tells me that I'm loosing my feelings of fear and love.
6. Something deep down inside me is fading away and I can't tell what is it.
7. I'm thinking of making this blog a private one.
8. I wanna go for Eminem's concert.
9. Facebook is getting boring.
10. I want more about-life quotes.
11. I want to gain more biceps.
12. I want to buy more clothes.
13. I don't think I'm working during this year-end-holidays.
14. I have a little fear meeting new people.
15. Bloggin is getting boring, too.

That's it.
Have a good day ahead!

At days end.

2009-11-01T16:40:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday, daddy!

I love you!

Hugs and kisses,
sonny.

Ps : I love you more than mommy. Don't tell her if you see this, okay?

:D.

Peak.

2009-10-28T16:36:00.004+08:00

我遇见你，是最美丽的意外。

我问自己我该继续如此吗？这样的爱你真的会有结果吗？
这样的画面，我还能继续的忍受
看着他不费任何力气就能轻易的得到你
而我却费尽力气却未能在你的心里留下任何地位
这样的暗恋滋味，让我真的好痛苦
但是我的痛苦得难熬你却从来不曾了解
或许是我太过天真，以为奇迹会发生
拨开乌云真的能看见彩虹吗？
爱你真的该放手吗？
曾经，我以为我真的只要默默地爱着你，已经足够了
但是，原来我却并没有想像中的伟大
或许，一开始，我就明白
无论我再怎么地拖延时间，再怎么地努力的说服自己
我得到的结果还是一样的，我所能拖延的就是自己的痛苦
时间并没有为我改变什么
只是，我一直都不愿意去承认

Out there.

2009-10-27T20:14:00.009+08:00

"If I know what love is, it is because of you" - Herman Hesse.

Yes! You!

You know, I realized something after I left today. It's like a sudden fact that pops out of my mind. I realized that there's always gonna be that one person, that no matter what he/ she does or what he/ she says or how many times he/ she may hurt you, you just can't let them go because they just mean so much to you.

Clky :
Perhaps, you'll never understand how much I love you, and I'll never understand why. And because I have love you, loving someone else will always seem strange. When I think of you, instead of thinking of all the times you left me, all the broken promises, I think about all the times how you held me, how alive I felt with you. I wish I could just hate you, but I can't. Cause, the truth is, I'm still missing you. I want forever to be through, so I can stop loving you. Because of you, I never stay too far from the sidewalk. Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt. Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me.
Because of you; I am afraid. People think I'm crazy for loving you this way, they are all trying to save me, tired of seeing me getting hurt, but what they don't see is I'd rather take this pain than live a life without you. And I don't think you understand how you melt and break my heart at the same time. And it's only when you are gone, I miss you the most. Like right now. I don't need you here, I want you here. There's the truth, take it or leave it.

Cause I miss you. Body and soul, so strong, that it takes my breath away.

Everything that lies inside.

2009-10-25T17:50:00.005+08:00

I think I'll go anti-love. Really, who wants butterflies in their stomach and their heart-skipping-beats that can't be safe. Sooner or later, you're just bound to get hurt.

PS : If you were wondering why, I just refuse to let you break me anymore than I already am.

I'm sorry?

I love shits.

2009-10-21T15:01:00.004+08:00

Yes, I really do.

Unwind.

2009-10-18T19:17:00.006+08:00

Il est plus facile de mourir que d'aimer, c'est pourquoi je me donne le mal de vivre.. Mon amour.

I'm bored.
:S

Silently asleep.

2009-10-16T03:42:00.004+08:00

Go. Let go and walk.

You can never really love someone if you are afraid of being hurt. But then again, time isn't doing a very good job of healing this pain. What a shame we've all become such fragile broken things. You know how I feel, so stop playing with my heart. Unimagined feelings, unintentional words spoken.

Iloveyou.
Isthatokay?

空白.

2009-10-14T17:30:00.008+08:00

我不是一定要你回來只是当又一个人看海
回头才发现你不在留下我迂迴的徘徊
我不是一定要你回來只是当又把回憶翻开
除了你之外的空白还有谁能來教我爱?

Can you see me tearing?
No, you can't.
:).

Make me a memory.

2009-10-10T21:08:00.004+08:00

Everything is far.

I'll update my recent life all at one post.

I've been having examinations for the past few days. I blew up my chemistry and physics paper.
Basically and frankly, both of them interest me, not. Oh, and not forgetting the all-time-loved subject - additional mathematics. I did my revision but it didn't helped.

Sighs.

Friday night was the boom. I'll elaborate it.
Henry took out his mom's car due to the absence of his mom.
So, Ying Nan and him picked me up at 7 pm. We went over to Nathan's Corner for a drink and went back to my place to get my shirt for overnight reason.
After that, we went over to Kassendra's place to pick her and Zheng Yii. Headed to Mc Donalds @ Kuchai Lama's Shell Station for a proper dinner.
After eating, we headed to Taman Desa to pick Nikki up. Loitered around her place. Drinking, smoking and fooling around. We drop them all home by 10 pm.
Headed to Bukit OUG to pick up Mark, Phang and Aaron. Headed to Asia Cafe. Henry was speeding on highway. Had a blast there. Left AC at 2 am. Then to ABC. Didn't shisha.
Left for 7 Eleven. Phang the theif, stole tons of sweets for us. Headed to Mark's place for dinking and swimming. Had fun. Left for Nathan's at 4 am. Reached home by 5 am. Slept at 6 am. Woke up by 8 am.

And here I am! With my eyes wide opened.

Hah.
The night was fun.
Thank you guys and girls for making it happen.

:D.

Home.

2009-10-06T03:26:00.001+08:00

Love and Friendship met one day.

Love: Why do you exist?
Friendship: To put a smile where you leave tears.
Love: Well if that's what you do, how come there are still many people crying?
Friendship: It's my fault. Instead of doing my job, I sometimes end up doing yours.

I'm not supposed to do this.

2009-10-04T18:17:00.003+08:00

Shit.

I'm stone, stone, stone, stone.

Fuck. I told myself to stop, but I couldn't resist.

Crap!

Our song.

2009-10-01T18:13:00.004+08:00

不小心回到那一天　不小心一切又重演
你如此完美的一切　竟会出现在我的世界

你说话不爱说第二遍　但偏在情人节那一夜
给我你心爱的项鋉　说了三次对我的爱恋

我那时糊涂　不明白为何你会哭
后知后觉以后　领悟

冻结那时间　冻结初遇那一天
冻结那爱恋　冻结吻你那瞬间

我也会疲倦　你的项鋉　在我身边　带我穿梭回从前

冻结那空间　冻结有你的世界
冻结那画面　冻结不让它溶解

我若是疲倦　你的项鋉　在我身边　发光在我胸前
你的项鋉　在我身边　陪伴着我过每一天

冻结 - 林俊杰

Closer.

2009-09-26T03:21:00.002+08:00

Cause perfect, didn't feel so perfect.

I was so used to us talking every night, but I guess I have to get used to the silence between us. Even though I want to see you, talk to you, touch you, I know I can't.

I miss you.

Oh, I'm not going to copyright any of my pictures, anymore.

Sharing is love.
:D.

Ps : Take it if you want it; leave it if it's ugly.

Always attract.

2009-09-24T17:50:00.003+08:00

Pure sight.

And it's Thursday in a blink of an eye.

This will be a short update.

Hello, people.

I've been really slacking around this holidays.
And I'm in a need of studying.
My finals start on Oct, 7 and I'm still a don't-know-everything student.

PS : Where'd you go?

:'(.

I'm worried, I'm scared. I'm just being an actor for not caring, but I still do.
I miss you.

I'm feeling fresh.

2009-09-19T23:52:00.004+08:00

I just love this shot.
Don't you?

I've finally mastered the power of letting go.
And it feels so good right now, to giving up on something that ain't worth my wait.

To let go is to open a door, and to clear a path and set yourself free. To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore it. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about loss and it's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and defeat. To let go is to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind and confidence in the future. Letting go is learning, experiencing and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is growing up. It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.

只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景

Rainie Yang - 暧昧

Go, clky!
Hope that we'll remain the best of friends.

Angie.

2009-09-11T15:46:00.005+08:00

:).

Dear Angeline,

Hi. How have you been? I hope you are doing good, cause that's what I always pray for. I hope you are happy with your life right now. I'm doing this post because I hope one day, you'll look back and think about all the times we had together. Somehow if you manage to read this, I know we'll have the same opinion.

Listen close to every sentence, every word and every thought being typed. Cause they are seriously true. You do know I don't fool with words.

Well, you left me after you changed school. I thought I could use someone else as a stepping stone to move on. But the truth is, I tried moving on by loving someone else. But, it just didn't worked out. I find myself a failure cause I can't deal with my past being together with you. Last night, when I close my eyes, the flashbacks popped out. It brought a smile on my face, followed by tears running down my cheek. I have never exactly got over you, though I tell people that you don't exist in my life anymore.

Well, yes, you don't. You exist in my DNA. You are part of my body. Without you, at times, I couldn't breathe. It hurts mentally. And I can feel my heart breaks when I reminiscence.

After all the things we put each other through, all the ups and downs, I'm still going to miss you.
I really like the 133 days when we were together. Yes, I miss 'em. It feels so good just to think back. It's like imagining you being by my side. Everyday with you was the best day of my life. Yes, I mean my words.

I still remember the days when we went to school early just to "date", all those time we spent our recess together, all those times we made people jealous, all those sweet promises we made but didn't come true. Those were the days. It was a blast. I swear, I miss you.

You won't know how much tears I spent on you. And to think back, it was all worth it. I love you once, but it's like an eternal feeling. I'd do anything to buy a time machine and go back to the past.

Lastly, I pray that God will bless you abundantly in every aspect of your life. Be happy! You have my back, always.

Ps : Do come back. I forgive you and I hope you'll forgive me.

I love you, Angeline Song Xian Wern.

Sign off,
Marcus.

Let's play a game.

2009-09-03T15:28:00.002+08:00

The hardest thing about being in love is loving someone who loves someone else.
<3.

Superfluous.

2009-08-31T02:57:00.006+08:00

:D.
My parents and I went over to PJ this afternoon.
The reason as for why is because we wanted order my dining table.

Somehow, they just had their open ceremony a week ago.
And they had a Ferrari as a minor decoration.

Being me, I was fascinated.
It is like how often do you get to see a real Ferrari.
I'm sick of those fake Ferrari toy cars.

Somehow, I got my second home in PJ.
:D.
I'm being welcomed anytime of the day.
Hahaaaaa.

Out of mind.

2009-08-30T02:51:00.010+08:00

To be honest, she's all I ever think about, dream about and talk about. She's inside my mind at all times. She may not understand this, and she may never understand this.. But I love her with everything I have and nothing less.

Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?

Why - Secondhand Serenade.

So, the stroy goes.

2009-08-29T17:08:00.003+08:00

You know what?
I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry.
I can't endure this anymore.

This is hurting me so I need to stop.. But this is how over you I'm totally not.

*fingers crossed

I hope I'll get over you.

Merry birthday!

2009-08-24T18:14:00.023+08:00

Happy birthday to you!
:)

You want to know the truth?
I still care. I do. Always.
It's just that there are times when I don't dare to talk to you. Cause it'd be weird to text you all of a sudden.
So, yeah, I kind of feel like shit.

I cannot even begin to say how much I feel.. well, shit.
And I can't tell you how much I want to roll into a ball and just cry my eyes out.

HAPPINESS.
Number One. I am your friend, I care for you. Can't you just feel for me, for once? There's a difference, a huge, thick line between feeling what I feel and what you feel. But I guess you just can't. I've tried, so hard, to move on. I've been sympathetic, I've been harsh, I've been downright frustrated, but you don't seem to notice how taxing this is, to constantly be ready for your breakdowns. You don't know how I feel, every time I tell myself that somehow, it just isn't working when I love you and you don't seem to get it. You don't know how much I wish you'd just take into account what I feel. You don't know how hurt I felt when we talked about the guy you like. I guess I was hoping for too much when I thought that you'd be touched by my act. Yup. Crap. Feeling's still there. Number Two. For almost a year, I've been watching you; through every step of the way. Struggling and managing to scrape through all the things you needed to just get past in life. You were given a huge, a wonderful opportunity. Guess what, you accepted my love. But it was only a 1 sided-love.

EMPTINESS.
Ever be able to reassure me, that you'd be fine, because I love you. It makes me so mad at you. Sometimes I look at you and I think how much I don't even want to acknowledge you. Suddenly, I feel so overwhelmed and you don't know how upset I am.

SKY. STARS.
Number three. I can't tell you how much I miss you. How much I miss talking to you. How much I wish that you'd tell me things sometimes, even the little things. You might be going through a hard time recently, and it worries me because you aren't telling me. I fear that you might be going through a bad time, but you're in denial as to how stressed you really are. Sometimes, the only news I hear of you is by words of mouth, things I hear when passing by people in public. I used to be able to seperate the rumours from the truth, but I guess now things aren't exactly the same anymore. I could write a book of nonsense and random things about the stuff we used to talk about, maybe a letter, an email, a diary entry, a blog post. But now I know I might not get the things I want when I want them. I know you're busy, I know you have a lot to do. But I guess it's either how little we see each other or how great an actor I am that you don't notice how sad I've truly been.

Mom, I know I just told you that I was perfectly fine. I'm sorry, but I'm not. Sorry for being emo today. Please don't mind the random bits of words here and there. It is being very nicely therapeutic for me today.

Whoever reads this, I don't care. It's fine if you do. I'm sick of bottling up.
This is my blog and I can write whatever I want. But if you're not involved and wish to enquire, I'm not saying I'll give you a straight answer, please do so privately.
Don't chat box me about things like this.

PS : If you are the girl that any of the above applies to, don't tell me. I don't want to know that you've found out. Don't even mention it to me, don't write me notes about how sorry you are. I just want to you to be happy. I want you to be happy, not for me, but for yourself. Because I care about you, and if you care about me, you'd do the same.

Once again, happy birthday, girl!

Oh, shit. I'm tearing.

I tear.

2009-08-17T20:18:00.008+08:00

Should I smile because you are my friend; or cry because that's all we will ever be?

You wanna know my true feelings?

I want you to be mine.
I want you to miss me.
I want you to think of me.
I want you to love me back.
I want you to appreciate me.
I want you to see how loyal I am.
I want you to hear my Iloveyou's.
I want you to tell me your real feelings.
I want you to know that I'll be there for you.
I want you to feel secured every time you are with me.

I love you more than anything else I could ever imagine.
Isn't it obvious enough that it is killing me deep inside?

Can't you see?

But most of all,
I just want you to be happy with your life. Even if it means I can't be with you.

But I will still love you, like how I always did.
I love you, Clky.
<3.>

One man show.

2009-08-16T00:36:00.005+08:00

And my name is Marcus Bryan.

If I could be any part of you,
I'd be your tears.
To be conceived in your heart,
born in your eyes,
live on your cheeks,
and die on your lips.

I'm tearing.

Someone cheer me up.
:'(

Last night..

2009-07-27T22:52:00.007+08:00

when I looked into the eyes of yours.
I cried deep down in my heart.
Your eyes were proofs that we couldn't be together.
I saw nothing but just friendship between you and I.

And that kills me, a lot.
You won't know how much I wish I was that guy.
Fuck it. I still love you.

Cow.

2009-07-17T17:28:00.004+08:00

I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel.

Hello, love!

The name starts with J.

2009-07-16T15:01:00.007+08:00

Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I.

People will try to break my heart, but they don't know that it is already broken.

Girl, one word could state the obvious.
And the word is "love".
:]p

And time is all I ask for.

2009-07-14T18:41:00.006+08:00

Loving accessories.

Exhibition is over.
I'm still missing it, badly.

It was..

Awesome
awesome
awesome
awesome
AWESOME!

As in super.
It's another day memories would be worth keeping.

Looking forward for next year's.
I'm gonna blast it like how I did.
:D.

Oh, crap!
I think I'm in love, again.
Someone stop me from getting into a relationship.
:S

See why I don't go online often?

2009-07-13T01:43:00.003+08:00

It's been a hectic week for me.
I've been so busy with school's stuffs and hang outs.

Exhibition day is my upcoming project.
It's going to start within 5 hours.
It's 1:47 am, Monday, July 13, 2009 right now.
I'm still awake typing this post.

I'm feeling tired and totally stressed out.
I'm tired to the extend that people asks me do I sleep at times.

I need a long holiday break.

Soledad, tu me manques!
I will talk to you after I'm done with all my projects.
:D.

Till then.

At night I pray that soon your face will fade away.

2009-07-08T18:06:00.002+08:00

Why carry on without me?

And everytime I see you in my dreams,
I see your face, it's haunting me.
I guess I need you, baby .

Flashback.

2009-07-07T17:11:00.003+08:00

I was just reminiscing..

I've ran away from Steven's Corner, Nathan's Corner and ABC without paying for the food and drinks for more than 15 times for the past 1 month.

Life ain't good, at all.

Had report card day in school last Saturday.
Credits to Jun Hoh for taking my report card for me.
He was my brother for that day.
Teacher suspected and I'm still scared.

Don't ask me why I look so tired these day.
I'm tired of everything.
Sometimes, I'd wish that I could just knock out and die.

Wipe away all those miserable parts.

Oh! You know what?!

Fatty rang me up last night! He told me he is back in Malaysia.
Man. All of us miss him badly. I'm gonna arrange some hang outs before he get his ass back to Australia.

Credits to Henry and myself.
:D.

Brother, welcome back home!
Let's light up some cigars when we meet.